just remembered about this other sit.lots have happened in the time that passed. broke up with vince during febuary, it was my move because there was just too much going on with him and bonnie and so much lying. but about a month after our break up i proposed that we become fbuddies which was probably not a good idea looking at the condition that i am now. Now there is a young lil girl who looks as if she is 10 is flirting around vince way too much in my face. i blew up yesterday and told him "if he doesn't like her touching him and all that he could tell her off if it was making him that uncomfortable because he complains about it so much. what got me upset the most was that he lent out the track jacket i bought for him. yeah i might not be such a big deal to some girls but to me that just really hurt. i wouldnt lend out something he gave me to another dude or something. but i guess he wouldnt understand tat. danny was just warning me and asking me y am i doing this to myself knowing that he is the way he is with girls that one is never enough and being faithful and loyal is not a completely gareented.

what can i do and wat should i do with my emotions that i cant move on. questions that have arrived since the day i've met him. seeing myself in such a situation, i pitty myself for being so stupid and not being able to let go even though all this that i see and hear is like a smack in my face. y am i not able to shead tears, its because i do not know how to yet i'm so hurt to the point that i rather just hide in at home or work myself out till i have no strenght left.

new update bitch!!!!!!!

my birthday was perfect, the best day ever and i couldnt ask for more cause i celebrated 3 times

1. with gaw gaw, xyco, and 2n

2.vince, mel, joyce, peter, eddie, alex, prima, danny,yuming, john and gaw gaw stopped by

3. with mommie and grandma

everything was great......i finally got a kiss from vince after all this time, but joyce was talking me to me yesterday and said to me that i could do better than vince cause hes so messed up with dealing with me and bonnie at the same time. i didnt know what to say, but after all this time and shit that i've been throught i didnt wanna just throw it all away just cause joyce was trying to convince me........we'll just see how things work themselves out

i really dont know waht to do or say.......he said so much to me on my birthday, everything that i ever wanted to hear from his mouth, but when i questioned him about what he had said to me....all he said was if u believe its true then its true, if u dont believe it then its not, and that shit just shot me rite in the face......and he said he would tell me when the time is rite....time is wat i'm not sure i have

sigh, i think i got what i wanted all the time but it wasnt exactly how i thought it would happen or work out

prom went great and all

but i really didn't think i would have to return to this xanga site, i thought my feelings and emotions would be fine now that i'm slowly getting over that someone and not being so so so...obsessed with him i guess to say. but i am wrong... i could say that i'm in love, in love since the first time i saw him. but so what, its not like i could say a word to confess my feelings to him

why this constantly happen, i always turn back to this, whyyyy????this is why i wanted to confess my feelings to start out with, i know that everyone is there to support and encourage me to get this over with, but i just don't have the guts when it comes to it, this friendship/relationship is just too strong........and i never wanted to be selfish about this i didn't want this to be just about me, thats y i never did wat i did because i thought about him, what he thinks, what he'll do, and our friendship

Dad

In my craddle you name me

Whne I'm 1 you cheerish me

I'm graduating, you're proud of me

I make something out of myself and become independent

But where are you

You promised you'll always be by my side

And never let harm come my way

You promised you'll watch me succeed

Why did you have to do ..........

You left me here wondering

What I'll do with the rest of my life

Without you by myside

I need You

You congradulate me

You're proud of me

But you're not here to see

How proud you still could be of me

I need you're congradulations through the rest of my achievements

I miss you dad

I wish you where back here with me